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<title>Hermione Gets a Naughty Surprise by LoonyLovegood (GreyGardens)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29997339">Hermione Gets a Naughty Surprise</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreyGardens/pseuds/LoonyLovegood'>LoonyLovegood (GreyGardens)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Draco Malfoy Has a Large Cock, F/M, Highly Inappropriate Behavior for the Great Hall, Improper use of a Dark Mark, POV Hermione Granger, Public Sex, Ritual Sex, ten points from Gryffindor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:21:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,328</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29997339</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreyGardens/pseuds/LoonyLovegood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermione gets a naughty surprise.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Hermione Gets a Naughty Surprise</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bink bink boink boink falooooooosh. It was such a beautiful sound, sensual in her ears. She had no idea what it was, but excitement gripped her like a kanoozle and she couldn't help but hope. Hermione turned around and got a naughty little surprise when she saw Draco's boom boom come out of his pants leg and fall to the floor with a loud galumphing flop.<br/><br/>Oingo Boingo she said, her eyes growing huge as saucers. What a big panini you have. <br/><br/>It's a pure uncut sausage, get it fucking right. He ordered, his boom boom shaking the room as it continued to spill out of his trousers, growing larger all the time. <br/><br/>His boom boom soon grew so enormous it reached the ceiling, coiled itself up like a snake and then unwound itself again only to wave ecstatically, energetically and fanatically in the air, hitting several people in the head and knocking the spectacles off of Harry Potter's smug little toad face. <br/><br/>It was like something out of a religious sermon in the deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee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South. <br/><br/>Nom nom nom nom. She said, grabbing it with both hands and hozzletottling it into her hootersnatch with a voracious glomp. She didn't care if it was a panini or a sausage or an elephant trunk or a python that would crush the life out of her and consume her, snartching her in its mighty jaws and then chuckling her down its gulletbender, never to be seen or heard from again, it was tasty nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom nom nom. A nom nom nom nom nom. Nommmmmm. <br/><br/>Nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom nom nom. Nom nom nom nom. Nom. A nom nom nom nom nom. <br/><br/>Crikey. Nom nom nom, it was tastier than Goyle's grundlegrunk, even when it was covered in the house elves secret snarflebarfing grinklegrinch sauce. It didn't even have any mysterious hairs or brown blobbing globules in it like the house elves secret snarflebarfing grinklegrinch sauce did. <br/><br/>Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. <br/><br/>Even tastier than a bucket full of slugs squirtlekanted and banurrfed up by Ronald Weasley, her hideous ex lover who was also coincidentally a ginger with a penchant for whalescreaming about how poor he was. Which was true. He was poor. But that wasn't why she dumped him, she dumped him because his panini was more of a peanini and she needed at least a mouthful to feed her for lunch. <br/><br/>Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. <br/><br/>She couldn't help it, she was a growing girl and she had an appetite that needed to be fed. Her big brainybingus needed all the calories it could get to think up big brainybingus thoughts and outsmart everyone into letting her eat grundles for lunch. <br/><br/>Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. <br/><br/>She let out a garklehowl of happiness, scrittling herself against his grunderhooter and making him krinkle. <br/><br/>Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. A nom nom nom. <br/><br/>It was even better than a blimeyhole filled with cunterhoots and dinglewags. <br/><br/>Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. <br/><br/>She began huffling her cunnygungus into Draco's dark mark, making him squingle, his eyes sparkling with magic and a creamy frothy foam fungungling out of his throat in a godly porglepurge. He shook with religious fervor and spasmed krinklecorns onto her garishcunnercrack, howling to the moon. <br/><br/>Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. <br/><br/>How did it manage to stay so tasty? It was like she was tasting the rainbow. <br/><br/>Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. <br/><br/>Her tootletinkle was winking with wetness at the feeling of his glorious gunnerbungus scrinching into her hootersnatch, it was majestic in every possible sense of the word. <br/><br/>Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. <br/><br/>Nom. <br/><br/>It was way better than the lunch she was eating, even if more people stared at her while she gobbled his nobblety boom boom, squirching it into her gungus, tasty as a tasty treat, than they did when she was eating the house elves hideous fare. <br/><br/>Nom nom nom. Nom nom nom. <br/><br/>Mmmm. Tasty nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom! Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Delicious. Nom. Nom. Expelliarmus. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom! Nom. Nom nom. Expecto patroNom. Nom. Open sesame. Nom nom nom nom nom. It's leviOsah not levioSAAAAAAaAAaaaaaaaaaAAAAAaaaaAAAAAAAaaaaaaaAAAAAAAaaAAAAAAAAAAaAAWWWaaAaaaaaaAAAAAaaaaaaH. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nommmmmm. <br/><br/>Scrummy yums. <br/><br/>Then all of a sudden he started hacking and coughing like a cat full of krinkles and a fur ball caught in its fahoozlehorn and he barfed a yarf all over her head. <br/><br/>That was delicious. She said, wiping her nose on his shirt. <br/><br/>Quite. He screamed. Same time tomorrow? <br/><br/>Hermione made him wait for her answer while adjusting her hootersnatch and her gungus under the cover of her scrunkle, trying to be discreet, even though it was way too late for that. The Great Hall was packed to the rafters with students and professors, their eyes hogboggling out of their hooterskunkles, staring at her like they had never eaten grundles for lunch before. <br/><br/>Only if they're serving meatloaf again. She said with a wave. <br/><br/>But she was lying. She would snarf down his yarf while eating his sausage panini any day of week. Nom nom nom. <br/><br/>Nom nom. <br/><br/>Nom. <br/><br/>Nom nom. Nom. <br/><br/><br/>Nom. <br/><br/><br/>Nom nom. <br/><br/><br/>Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. <br/><br/>Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. <br/><br/><br/>Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. </p><p>Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom.</p><p>Nom nom. Nom. <br/><br/>Nom nom. Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. <br/><br/>Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nommmmmmmmmmm! <br/><br/>Nom nom nom. Subway. <br/><br/>Nom nom. Nom. Nom. <br/><br/>Nom nom nom nom nom. <br/><br/>Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. <br/><br/>Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. <br/><br/>Eat fresh. <br/><br/>Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. <br/><br/><br/>Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. <br/><br/>Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. <br/><br/><br/>Nom nom nom nom nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom nom. Nom. Nom. Nom nom nom nom nom. Skittles. <br/><br/>Nom nom. Nom. <br/><br/>Nom. <br/><br/>Nom nom. Nom nom nom <br/><br/>Nom nom. Nom nom nom nom boink boink <br/><br/><br/>Nom nom nom. <br/><br/>A Nom nom nom. <br/><br/>Taste the rainbow. <br/><br/>Nom nom nom. <br/><br/>Nom. Nom nom <br/><br/><br/>Nom nom nom nom. Hack hack hack hack hack. Nom. Nom nom. Nom nom <br/><br/>Nom nom nom <br/><br/>Nom <br/><br/>Nom nom <br/><br/>Nom. <br/><br/>Galumph galooosh fahaaaaack. <br/><br/>Nom. <br/><br/><br/><br/>Tasty. <br/><br/><br/>The end.</p><p>
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